…and all that, and all that.
Yesterday was rough, and not in the way I expected–the kids were wonderful and going through a full-blown day of work on zero sleep (I know, I know, I make terrible life choices) wasn’t nearly as difficult as I expected. But the meeting at the end of the work day definitely was.
Long story short, my boss is leaving as early as next Wednesday. For those of you who don’t know, my boss is my first principal. She hired me October 2011–taking a chance on a young college grad who still hadn’t found a job, who had been working teaching online, who may or may not be ready to work in a tough school as ours. When I had a difficult incident with a student last year, she was on my side– and she supported me as I put myself back together after the incident made me fall apart. And at the start of this year, she gave me a course team to lead, trusting that I would use my knowledge in benchmarking and my leadership to unite the team and do something amazing with American Lit–even when I didn’t think I was the best choice, when I was so afraid. She has been nurturing, honest, direct, and understanding as I have needed feedback to improve at work and to struggle with my depression so I can make deadlines. She knows me, she respects my work, she knows what I’m capable of… and now she’s leaving.
I know this is the best possible career choice for her. I know that this is a challenge that she needs and that this opportunity will not come knocking again. And more than anything, I know that she’s hurting too but that this will make her happy. So I need to be happy for her, I need to remember that this has nothing to do with me… but it’s still hard to hear the bombshell with the rest of the faculty, to know that I saw her last week and she knew and was trying to protect me and not ruin my break so she didn’t tell me. And it’s terrifying to think about who will be here next and what they’ll be like–I remember distinctly what it’s like to live with my condition under a judgmental, unsupportive boss and I really hope that doesn’t happen again.
The silver lining is that I’m not worried about my job–I’m damn good at what I do, I work hard, and even on the worst of days when I think about quitting (and I have those, we all have those) I know that my work with the kids and the way they treat me says more about my work than all of the naysayers ever will. ALSO, I can now be friends with my boss without worrying about being professional–so we’re gonna go hang out at YardHouse next week, and she’ll tell me about her new job and I’ll tell her about my new boss and we’ll survive. We always do.
And I have to say I’m proud of myself for sticking to my resolutions last night. As I chronicled via pictures last night, I had a healthy dinner so I could drink myself some calories, and I downed most of the sparkling wine in my fridge (roommate!Sarah drank 7 oz. to keep me company and I polished off the remaining 17). I didn’t work out because my knees still hurt, but I’ll make up the deficit today. And I’m breathing, organizing my life… after work there will be a workout, and then I’ll dye my hair and cook/eat dinner while the dye sets in, and then I’ll light and start shabbat with a relaxing bath to usher in the weekend so I can call it a night early and go to services tomorrow morning.
Work can wait–Saturdays are mine.